Instead of just celebrating the controversial explorer, give us Italian Americans our own holiday for being America’s pressure-release punching bag.
[Author’s Note: As an Italian American, I am particularly well-positioned to comment on my own kind.]
I’ve had it with Christopher Columbus.
And not just for all the wrong he did while “discovering” a land already populated by millions of people.
I’m tired of folks arguing about his holiday.
Trump uses Columbus Day to wage another pointlessly divisive culture war by decrying the same-day celebration of natives whose rights were trampled by Columbus and subsequent waves of European explorers and settlers.
Those few Italian Americans who need something to complain about have jumped on this boorish bandwagon, as if honoring Columbus were somehow integral to our cultural identity any time other than the second Monday in October.
So, to end the bickering, I have a simple solution:
– Make Indigenous Peoples’ Day an official, stand-alone national holiday.
– Set aside another day to celebrate Italian heritage, a la St. Patrick’s Day.
Now, some might see this as appeasement of Italian Americans who don’t deserve their own holiday.
And, on the surface, I can see why honoring us seems undeserved and would irk other ethnicities not similarly granted a day.
What makes America so remarkable is that every ethnicity on the planet is represented here, creating a tapestry of ideas, languages, customs, and cuisines unlike any other. It’s by far our best attribute.
However, there is something about Italian Americans that sets us apart from the rest.
Can you guess what that is? Think about it for a minute.
Give up?.
Here it is:
Italian Americans are the only ethnicity you can make fun of without getting canceled.
Think about it. No one blinks when you feign an Italian-American accent, imitate our excessive hand gestures, loud talking, and mispronunciation of Italian cuisine.
Disagree with me? Try imitating any other ethnicity and see how long you maintain your career and friendships.
Making fun of Italian Americans has been the norm in this nation since we first started arriving en masse during the latter half of the 19th century.
Even “politically correct” Hollywood is in on the joke..
The Sopranos is a six-season celebration of all things hilarious and cringe about the worst assemblage of Italian Americans imaginable. So is Jersey Show.
Family Guy makes fun of Italians all the time, and with impunity. So does Saturday Night Live.
And you know what? I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m pleased and proud to be a part of the only American ethnic group you can rib so relentlessly.
Not only is it funny, but it’s a much-needed pressure release for the health and well-being of the American Experiment.
Because in a nation with so many different kinds of people, living in proximity with countless diverse opinions, tensions are inevitable.
And just when things get really heated, and it seems there’s no overcoming our differences, there’s one thing we can all agree is funny: goofing on us Italian Americans.
So, give us a non-bank holiday where folks can dress up like parodies of Italian Americans – track suits, gold chains, anything leopard-printed – drink Chianti, and quote Mafia movies and TV.
We deserve it.
